In the immortal words of Eric Bischoff, we’re back and better than ever! And one thing that has a knack for making things better is the PWA Premiership. We had a couple of weeks off to accommodate that silly Christmas and New Year stuff, but we kick off 2021 with a bang here in the PWA Academy.
In case you’ve been living under a rock, or in your pillow fort in your bedroom, still trying to recover from a NYE hangover, here’s the gist of what the PWA Premiership is all about:
- It is a round-robin tournament, similar in style to NJPW’s G1 tournament.
- There are two blocks- Block A and Block B- consisting of 8 wrestlers each.
- Matches have a strict 10 minute time limit.
- All wrestlers in each block will face each other, and the winner of Block A will face the winner of Block B in the finals.
- Points are awarded as follows- 2 for a win, 1 for a draw and 0 for a loss.
- If there is a tie after all wrestlers in a block have faced each other, both/all of those wrestlers advance to the finals.
Today is all about Block A action. As it stands, we have a three way tie at the top of the table, with Unsocial Jordan, Sam Osborne and Mick Moretti all sitting at 8 points. Right on their heels is the uber-impressive Charli Evans, who faces the Rapscallion in our main event here. Guaranteed chaos!
Let’s do this!
Rose and Gale welcome us back to the Premiership. They hope we had a good holiday season, as Rose says he put on even more weight. Gale calls him “the personification of a food coma”, and almost corpses at his own joke. Send for the man!
Match 1: Kingsley (0) vs. Unsocial Jordan (8)
Kingsley with an aggressive start! She knocks Jordan off the apron before he can even get into the ring, then hurls him into the ringside chairs. She’s motivated to get her first points of the Premiership. Jordan stops her furious flurry momentarily by ramming her into the edge of the apron. However, he misses a follow up boot, and Kingsley starts attacking his leg.
Back in the ring, Kingsley keeps up the pressure with clubbing blows. Basement Codebreaker gets her a near fall. She goes back to the leg attack, putting Jordan at a definite disadvantage in this ass-kicking contest. Kingsley locks in a guillotine choke, but Jordan charges her into the corner. They battle for position on the ropes. Kingsley goes for a German suplex off the top rope, and Jordan holds on for dear life. Unable to get that move, Kingsley simply kicks his legs out, sending him crashing to the mat.
Kingsley continues to batter Jordan like the fish at my local takeaway. Jordan eventually halts her momentum by turning a cazadora into a facebuster. He’s slow to cover due to the leg damage and Kingsley kicks out at 2. Jordan goes for the Harijuka Hammer according to Rose (hey, a move I don’t know!), but Kingsley lands on her feet and hits Jack Bonza’s Red Thunder Bomb! Great near fall. She immediately rolls into the ankle lock! Jordan fights for his life, but Kingsley transitions into the STF, and the Unsocial one is in all kinds of trouble. He manages to grab his tripod in the corner, but instead of hitting Kingsley with it, he slides it across the ring. As referee Nick gets rid of the offending object, Jordan taps! Kingsley releases the hold, but Nick never saw the tap.
The match continues. Jordan goes for the Shining Wizard, but his knee gives out! Kingsley takes the opportunity to roll him into a small package, but Jordan kicks out at 2.8. He pops up and manages to hit the Shining Wizard for the win!
Winner: Unsocial Jordan (10) (at 7:03)
Star Rating: ***1/2. Heartbreaking loss for Kingsley. The story of this tournament is that she can’t get points on the board, but despite that, she’s had some damn impressive performances. By rights, she should have 2 points now, over the leader in the Premiership, no less, but the cerebral Jordan finds another way to sneak to victory yet again.
Post-match, Unsocial Jordan grabs a Generation Now shirt and throws it in the bin.
At the interview area, we have a frustrated Kingsley. She tried everything, even Uncle Jack’s moves, but it wasn’t enough. Stupid Referee Nick!
A few words from Jordan. His leg is killing him, and he admits that Kingsley almost had him. He crows about being at the top of his block. He’s got Moretti next. Stand with SMS or fall with PWA.
Match 2: Paris De Silva (4) vs. Sam Osborne (8)
We hear from Don Marnell pre-match, full of confidence with his rhymes as usual. Osborne is confident as well, so much so that he sends Marnell to the back.
Both men are in Gen Now, so Paris offers a handshake. Osborne pretends to accept it, then hits a waistlock takedown. De Silva starts to create movement, but Osborne drills him with a dropkick. De Silva gets the better of a chain wrestling exchange, then locks in his Throne submission hold, but Sam makes the ropes.
Intense collar and elbow tie up, and you can sense the aggression escalating here. Paris goes for a headscissors takedown, but Osborne counters with his backbreaker/exploder suplex combo for a near fall. Shortly after, he tries the combo again, but this time, De Silva gets the reversal with the headscissors takedown. De Silva with an enziguri and runs the ropes- right into a HUGE Osborne clothesline! Paris somehow kicks out.
Osborne shows some impressive speed in a sequence that ends with a vicious looking Spear from the middle rope. Another great near fall. Paris starts to make a comeback but Osborne halts his momentum with his Stormbreaker esque finisher. De Silva doesn’t kick out this time but he does get his foot on the bottom rope! Sam talks trash but gets cracked with a headbutt. Paris locks in the crossface and this time the Prize Bull finds the ropes! Osborne looks for a break by rolling to the outside, but De Silva flattens him with a corkscrew plancha! He throws Osborne back into the ring, then behind the referee’s back, Don Marnell comes out and hit Paris in the leg with a chair! Osborne seizes the opportunity, immediately locking in the kneebar, and Spartan Spirit has no choice but to submit!
Winner: Sam Osborne (10) (at 7:56)
Star Rating: ***3/4. These two are so, so good. Osborne is as smooth as they come, and had a dominant showing here, and Paris is top tier at garnering sympathy, even without a real crowd to play off. Osborne showed himself to be highly skilled, but also a smarmy bastard, needing Marnell’s help once De Silva started turning the tables.
Osborne and Marnell are at the interview area. Marnell starts to boast about “Sam Osborne’s Premiership” as usual, but gets interrupted by Paris De Silva. Paris takes issue with the way Sam won, but Osborne tells him that he needs to “cut the nice guy bullshit”, because this is a war. Interesting…
Match 3: William Preston (2) vs. Kai Drake (3)
Drake comes out with Spencer, who is on crutches, and they have the PWA tag belts, which they did not win.
Preston shoves his sign in Drake’s face- “Kai Drake is a sneaky snake”- and Kai eats it. He chokes on it and Preston gives him the Heimlich manuever. Well then. William then follows up with a Glam Slam, then a wheelbarrow bulldog. The fight is on.
Cross body by Preston gets an early near fall. They brawl on the outside, Spencer causes a distraction by poking Preston with his CRUTCH (I want to emphasise that word), and Kai gets the advantage. Kai gets a near fall after throwing Preston around the Academy a bit. Preston battles back and thinks about the circle game, as well as the nipple cripple, but hesitates. So Drake bites him on the nipple. Yep. This is one of those things where, if I was still living with my mum, I bet she’d walk in the room right about then and be seriously worried about my love of pro wrestling. Oh dear. A follow up German suplex gets a 2 count for Drake.
Preston snaps Drake’s neck over the ropes. He tries to follow up with a dive, but Kai avoids it. Preston rolls through and knocks Dragonheart down with a clothesline. He gets a near fall from a rolling neckbreaker at the WrestlerMerch 5 minute mark. Kai comes back with some blistering strikes, but Preston recovers and hits a top rope seated senton for a good near fall. Preston then goes for the schoolboy! Drake grabs the ropes, then the referee! With the ref’s attention diverted, Spencer stabs Preston with the crutch. Kai nails a superkick, followed by a series of elbows, and Preston is unconscious!
Winner: Kai Drake (5) (at 7:04)
Star Rating: ***1/4. Good effort. Three foreign object/referee distraction finishes in a row is kind of overkill, but that doesn’t take away from the quality of the action prior to that. And the KO/referee stoppage angle is a nice touch that adds to the aura of danger around Kai Drake.
Preston on the interview set. “Kai Drake is the biggest freeloader in professional wrestling”. He has to rely on everyone else to get ahead. William could have had Jimmy out there, but he wanted to do this Premiership on his own.
The final episode of the Premiership- which I believe is two weeks away- will feature Kai Drake vs. Paris De Silva. That should be awesome!
Spencer talks on Kai Drake’s behalf. Kai shouts single words like “knockout!” According to commentary, Kai Drake was a debate champion in high school. Winning out of pure intimidation.
Match 4: Charli Evans (7) vs. Mick Moretti (8)
Moretti avoids contact for the first couple of minutes in humorous fashion. He’s a point ahead of Evans, so a draw plays into his favour- although he would then need to win the final round AND have Osborne lose as well to take the Premiership. Evans does get a couple of 2 counts off a sunset flip and a la magistral cradle, but mostly seems frustrated by the antics of the Rapscallion.
Charli eventually plays the mind games back to Moretti, hitting a double stomp following a drop down then sticking a middle finger in his face. She then cracks Mick with a forearm, and now he’s going to take this serious. Evans with a snapmare, followed by some stiff kicks to the lower back. Moretti invites the kicks initially, but a shot to the face drops him for a 2 count. He avoids a running kick in the corner and starts to work on Charli’s ankle. He goes for the patented handstand taunt, but Evans puts him in the ankle lock! Oh, how the tables have turned! Moretti kicks her off.
In a great touch, Charli stomps Moretti, which affects the ankle that was getting worked over, so she switches to the other foot for stomping and kicking. Brilliant. They both go to kick each other, catch each others’s foot, and lock in simultaneous heel hooks. Both make the ropes. Excellent. Moretti drops Evans with a big forearm shot. They trade strikes. Charli goes for a superkick, but Moretti catches it and locks in another heel hook! She gets to the ropes.
Moretti drags Evans to the center of the ring, and she grabs him in an inside cradle for an innovative near fall- she used the momentum of being dragged to apply the pin. Evans follows up with a superkick for another close call. Charli goes for a suplex but Moretti counters with an inside cradle of his own for the 3 count!
Winner: Mick Moretti (10) (at 8:11)
Star Rating: ***3/4. High quality, gritty battle. Charli Evans has to be one of the MVPs of this Premiership for her hard-hitting, no-nonsense style, and the juxtaposition of that with the light-hearted style of Moretti was an extremely entertaining watch.
Post-match, Moretti offers a fist bump in respect to Charli, which she accepts, but she’s pissed.
Interview time with Evans. “That was my last chance. I know I’m really good at wrestling, but I wasn’t good enough tonight. For f**k’s sake!”
Moretti mic time. “Ow. Ow. Ow. Round of applause for Charli Evans. She brought it.” He acknowledges Gen Now, saying that they (the veterans) created these “spoiled shits”. Charli, on the other hand, did it on her own. He turns his attention towards Matty Wahlberg. “Hey, Matty, is it time yet? I’m still hungry…”
Still the best hour of wrestling television going. We’re firmly in the business end of this tournament now, so most of what we see is intense, dramatic, and high-stakes… and yet we still get moments of comedy from characters like Kai Drake and Mick Moretti that provide a bit of levity. I feel like the final episode in 2 weeks is going to be epic. PWA are yet to disappoint, and this has built masterfully for almost 12 weeks now. While Moretti vs. Wahlberg has seemed like the end game we’ve been moving to all along, I think I’m actually most invested in Kingsley’s story right now. Lovely stuff.
Overall Score: 8/10
CURRENT PREMIERSHIP STANDINGS
- Unsocial Jordan: 10
- Sam Osborne: 10
- Mick Moretti: 10
- Charli Evans: 7
- Kai Drake: 5
- Paris De Silva: 4
- William Preston: 2
- Kingsley: 0
- Jessica Troy: 7
- Mat Rogers: 7
- Lyrebird Luchi: 7
- Matty Wahlberg: 6
- Big Fudge: 4
- Jimmy Townsend: 4
- Jack J Bonza: 3
- Jude London: 2
I’ll be back next week with my coverage of the PWA Premiership! Hope you all have a great week!
Until next time, take care.